I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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