"it" just moved
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
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