Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
