Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We had sex on a dog bed..
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
