I wannas sexs uuuuu
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
