You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
