Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
