I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
