marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Randomize