imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
