There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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