I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
How naked do you want me to be?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
