do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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