My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I need a beard to bite.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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