Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We have started to decorate penises.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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