If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
