How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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