Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Alive.
So much puke
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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