I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
