At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
