What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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