Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
