Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
