Christians are straight up FREAKS
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
