I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
