I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
