So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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