to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
