she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
is it fun? or sober?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
