The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
