He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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