I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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