It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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