wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
