Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
