You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I FOUND THE LEGS
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize