Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
