I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
