I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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