You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
