I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize