the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
