Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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