I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
