I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
