His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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