got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
