So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It's blow job season.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
