i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize