I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
