y did u give ur computer a hand job?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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