During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
