Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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