I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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