whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
