I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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