She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
