Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
