I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
