New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
