That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
