I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
love makes seman taste better
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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